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Frequently asked questions
The difference between a funeral and a memorial service is that when the remains of the person who has died, either a coffin or an urn of ashes are present in the church, the service is called a funeral. For Christian faith churches, the distinction is not very important, because in both circumstances we use the same liturgy. Understanding your ceremony options is to understand that there is no "single" way—it's your choice.
Go to this link on 'Disposition' of the remains: https://www.selectedfuneralhomes.org/Understanding-Your-Disposition-Options-302(https://www.selectedfuneralhomes.org/Understanding-Your-Disposition-Options-302)
Celebrations of life are similar to memorial services, which can be described as a hybrid event; combining the flexibility of a celebration of life with many of the activities of a traditional funeral order-of-service.
There's more room for creativity in a celebration of life than a funeral. Since celebrations of life are commonly held after the individual's physical remains have been cared for through burial or cremation; there is much more time available to plan the event. And without doubt, this allows you to make better decisions about how you'd like to celebrate the life of someone you dearly loved.
A Celebration of Life memorial is a re-imagined hyper-personal memorial. "Celebrations" can be a complement to traditional spiritual or faith-based Celebration of Thanksgiving and can be held in a funeral home, back yard, on the beach, or just about anywhere you can imagine. And Celebrations can be a respectful alternative memorial (or gathering) of friends and family based on individual beliefs and values without old traditions or liturgy if that is the desire. Each Celebration is unique and there are no rules. Babyboomers seem to be the major demographic driving Celebrations. And with all the personalized choices there are today and watching the consequences of their own parents not discuss their final wishes, baby boomers are tackling the topic head-on.
Here are some worthwile links:
https://www.aplaceformom.com/blog/6-11-14-boomers-view-death/(https://lougheedfuneralhomes.com/what-is-a-celebration-of-life.html)
https://www.fratellivesciofuneralhomes.com/celebration-of-life(https://lougheedfuneralhomes.com/what-is-a-celebration-of-life.html)
https://lougheedfuneralhomes.com/what-is-a-celebration-of-life.html(https://lougheedfuneralhomes.com/what-is-a-celebration-of-life.html)
It's not surprising traditional funerals have been around for a very long time. Composed of three activities, the visitation, the funeral service, and the committal service, performed at the graveside; this funeral is the one we'd easily recognize from contemporary literature and film.
While a celebration of life (a fairly new trend) is not burdened by social expectations—it can be pretty much anything you want it to be—it's important to realize that the event you're planning should meet the emotional needs of the guests. Baby boomers see funerals as a valuable part of the grieving process and are seeking ways to make them meaningful such as personalization. Here are some links on some key funeral service trends. And this is just a partial list!:
Personalization: http://www.nfda.org/consumer-resources/planning-a-funeral/service-options-personalization(http://www.nfda.org/consumer-resources/planning-a-funeral/service-options-personalization)
Preplanning: http://www.nfda.org/for-the-public/preplanning-a-funeral(http://www.nfda.org/for-the-public/preplanning-a-funeral)
Cremation: http://www.nfda.org/consumer-resources/planning-a-funeral/cremation(http://www.nfda.org/consumer-resources/planning-a-funeral/cremation)
Green Funerals: https://www.nytimes.com/2018/03/22/smarter-living/green-funeral-burial-environment.html (https://www.nytimes.com/2018/03/22/smarter-living/green-funeral-burial-environment.html)and https://greenburialcouncil.org(https://greenburialcouncil.org)
Some other trends are:
Anatomical Gifts -
Before final disposition, donating organs or tissues for transplant may be a significant way to help others. Transplant procedures don't necessarily interfere with preparing a body for a funeral service. Your funeral director, physician or a local organ donation agency can provide more information about anatomical gifts. Information about organ and tissue donation and transplantation also is available at www.organdonor.gov.(undefined)
Alkaline Hydrolysis -
As a relatively new method of disposition, Alkaline Hydrolysis is not available in every funeral home or even in every US state. The process involves using pressure, heat and lye to break the body down into its chemical components, resulting in a liquid as well as in an ash that can be returned to loved ones. Proponents of this process say it is a more ecologically friendly option than cremation.
The word disposition refers to the manner in which human remains are finally handled. People selecting cremation for themselves or a loved one have the same options for services and merchandise as those who select casket burial. What many people do not realize is that cremation is a process and is not the final disposition of the human remains. A determination will need to be made as to the person’s final resting place. This important place will be used to memorialize the life lived and will serve as a place for family and friends to visit and honor the memory of their loved one.
The most common methods of disposition are:
Earth Burial
Above-Ground Burial (Entombment)
Cremation
Turn to your funeral director to help answer any questions and help you make the choice that is right for you. For more on Disposition go to this Link: https://www.selectedfuneralhomes.org/Understanding-Your-Disposition-Options-302(https://www.selectedfuneralhomes.org/Understanding-Your-Disposition-Options-302)
Absolutly. We will already have a great sound system and sound engineer on site. Just let us have a chat with your guest musician so we can be prepared with the right connections or microphones. And it's always better for us to know as soon as possible to add any additional equipment requests into our estimate.
That’s always a difficult question because each event is unique and families are totally different. That’s why people have chosen to pull together a Life Celebration event instead of using a church, synagogue, house of worship or funeral home. But we can give you a range based on our initial conversation and our experience. Once we understand the scope we can then give you an estimate or quote.
No. We leave food and beverages to the catering experts. We also leave the other elements that often go into events such as floral, event rental, valet parking or transportation to the experts in their field. We we are experts in is Event Management, Event Production (audio-video), and Music. We will work in concert with all of the other venders, and typically subordinate to Catering who are on a tight timeline to bring out the food. We would be only too glad to refer you to one of our trusted partners.
Celebrations of Life Memorials is a fairly new trend. We offering 'Celebrations' service in 2018 which is quickly becoming one of our favorite things to do. Potomac Talent has been in business since 1997. So, we have about 23 years experiance producing and managing just about every kind of event imaginable. Celebrations are much like a wedding technically speaking. And we've done plenty of those. But in all honestly, we really like doing Celebrations because they are so deep and moving.
No. But we can arrange all event rentals including folding chairs, tables, linens, and serving pieces if you're doing a DIY memorial event and having friends and family bring dishes and beverages. If you're hiring a caterier, it's probably best to have your caterier arrange for all of the event rentals.
Celebrations can be anywhere: backyards, on a farm or in a barn, lakeside, forests, beach, on a ship, on top of a mountain, or in a building. The location is totally up to you. We can accomodate any location even if it doesn't have electrical power! Unlike Funeral Homes, we're in the Special Events Business. We're used to thinking outside the box and coming up with some pretty unique and creative solutions!
It is important to prove a reception or social gather after a Funeral or Memorial. People often come long distances to pay their respects to the person who has died, give everyone a chance to share their own memories and to let the family know how much that person will be missed. I remember from the funeral for my own father that the church service was quite nice, but at the reception afterward, I was overwhelmed by statements of appreciation and gratitude for my father. We all told stories and shared memories that heightened the significance of the gathering. It is often at a time after the funeral when we truly begin to understand the impact a can have on others.
(source: Preparing an Episcopal Funeral, 2013 - Rob Boulter with Kenneth Koehler, Morehouse Publishing a division of Church Publishing Incorporated ISBN 978-0-8192-2916-8)
Your guests will appreciate holding and reading the overview of the memorial once they have arrived and have found a seat. It's a moment to reflect and center yourself and provides a calming effect to gather your thoughts and adjust to a new space or environment. For some guests who are attending, they may not know anyone else in the gathering. So a program will help them adjust to their surroundings and to begin to fit in.
A Program (sometimes called a brochure, pamphlet or order of service) is the printed document that is given out at the funeral or memorial service. It usually contains a tribute to the deceased and details of what will take place during the memorial service. It also summarizes the life achievements of your deceased loved one with perhaps a photo. Programs may also provide written common prayers or poems to be followed or read out loud together. And programs may also provide music lyrics to songs or hymns to be followed or sung out loud together. Also, many families also give attribution to those who helped pull the Celebration event together.
Some families 'employ' the help of friends or young family members to serve as welcome hosts as guests arrive and hand them a program. Another way to provide programs could be to put one on each chair or provide a basket of programs for guests to take as they enter the memorial space.
If you don't have the publishing skills, there are many resources online to help you with pre-designed templates and layouts Please check our Resource Section for links.
Inremember is a service of Potomac Talent, LLC. We are not a Funeral Service or Burial or Disposition Service. We are a Live Event Service. By the nature of what we do, every Celebration memorial is a unique and custom produced event predicated on the individual wishes and needs of the family, as well as the unique dynamics of multiple venues or outside situations we work in where the actual memorial will happen. Unfortunately, this makes it impossible to provide a General Price List. But we can give you a price range once we fully understand the scope of the event including actual venue, date, time lines, requested services, seating and table plans, special needs, and so on. However, we do support the Funeral Rule and provide all itemized costs in our quote that we will present to you. Our goal is to be 100% transparent. We are also 'techo-centric' in what we do. Our medium is event technology (Audio and Video). If you have any questions, we would be only too glad to try to explain.
You should also know that we are very 'green' and also subscribe to sustainable and environmental best practices. We don't believe in excess or excessive approaches in designing a Celebration. We're thrifty, and moderate in our company culture and values. We'll always side towards 'less is best' efficiencies, with respectful, mindful, and clean design.
The Funeral Rule, enacted by the Federal Trade Commission on April 30, 1984 and amended it effective 1994, was designed to protect consumers by requiring that they receive adequate information concerning the goods and services they may purchase from a funeral provider. For more information, go to https://www.consumer.ftc.gov/articles/0300-ftc-funeral-rule.
Mourning 101
Judy Hevrdejs, Tribune Newspapers
There will be a time, many times actually, when a friend, co-worker or casual acquaintance will face the death of a loved one. There will be mourning. There may be a visitation or memorial service, perhaps reflecting religious, family, cultural and regional traditions.
And you will wonder whether to attend one of these social gatherings — or you should — whether the deceased is a cousin you haven't seen in five years or a co-worker's parent whom you've never met.
"If it was your mother's (service), would you expect to see your co-workers? If you can answer 'yes' to that question, then you should go," says funeral director James Olson, a spokesman for the National Funeral Directors Association (nfda.org) and owner of the Lippert-Olson Funeral Home in Sheboygan, Wis.
Such gatherings "are about the living and giving them a chance to express their grief — or it may be an expression of joy for a life well lived. For the person who is mourning, it is very important to know there are people who support them," he says. "But it also gives the greater community an opportunity to share in that grief."
We had a few more questions for Olson:
Do I have to dress up? "Out of respect for the family, put a little effort into getting ready," he says, and wear something more than shorts and a T-shirt.
What do I do at the gathering? "Sign the guest book to let them know you're there," he says. "Then wait in line and express your condolences.
"You don't have to stay, (but showing up) at least lets the family know you were thinking about them in their time of need."
What do I say? "The best thing: 'I am truly sorry for your loss'." Also, if you can, Olson suggests mentioning something about the deceased: "I really loved your mother's garden and her beautiful flowers," or "I loved how your dad was always washing his cars."
"Keep it simple," he advises. "Stick to what you know."
Are there things I shouldn't say? Refrain from asking probing questions about the illness or death. A grieving family member may not want to keep repeating unpleasant details of her mom's final days.
Also, don't say things such as, "I know how you feel. I lost my mom too." Your loss is different from someone else's loss, and it's not about you. "At that particular moment, to be honest," Olson says, "someone doesn't want to hear about someone else's loss."
What about cultural/religious/regional differences? "It's my experience that families are not there at that time to judge you," says Olson, adding that the funeral director is usually present to provide guidance to visitors.
Can't I just fill in comments on the funeral home's website instead of making a personal appearance? Online guest books are conveniences, especially for those who live far away, Olson says, "but those (websites) shouldn't be the opportunity to opt out of attending a visitation or memorial service."
Do I have to go to the funeral? "Unless you're a family member or particularly close to the family, it's not expected," he says.
Anything else? Turn off your cellphone/smartphone. "There should be nothing more important than what we're there to do," Olson says, recalling a minister at a local church who, when someone's phone rang in the middle of a service, stopped and said, "That better be God calling." jhevrdejs@tribune.com
A Committal (or Graveside) Service is a brief ritual involving prayer at the graveside following the funeral. Members of the immediate family and close friends of the deceased gather as the closed casket is lowered into the ground. Sometimes a family member will shovel the first dirt onto the casket. Family members and friends may throw flowers into the grave.
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